Stumbling thru life w/Grace

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

The New & Improved Stumbling / Grace

The famous and wonderful Rachel from Web Divas is finishing up my new blog home today! I would love all of my new blogger friends to come over to my new home, and check it out! (My blog housewarming!) I know, CORNY, but I'm excited to have a design that has the feel of me.

So please follow me over there! And if I have missed anyone of you on my blogroll list PLEASE point it out for me, and I will add you. Starting from scratch, it is easy to miss someone. And learning how to naviagate thru a new site, for someone who is as computer illiterate as I am takes time. I have been playing around and checking things out off and on all day!

I have also missed reading a lot of my daily reads due to having to learn a few things! Altough I plan on catching up tomorrow. So, without further ado!!!

Coming soon on my new site will be Jaded Sunburns blog review! I should have it posted by Saturday. My hubby and I leave for vacation Sunday morning for a week, and although I'm excited to get away alone with him, a week away from my new site and computer!!?? I'm scared! I think the withdrawals are going to be severe. It's going to take a lot for him to keep my mind off of blogging. I hope he's up for the task!;-)

Monday, April 25, 2005

If I could be: MEME TIME AGAIN!!!!

I have been officially tagged for this little meme! But at least this one isn't the bestest of the bestest longest meme out there!;-) I was tagged by Jade at Jaded Sunburns
Although it would be one of the best of the bestest, and deserves an "A" for originality.

Here's what I copied from Jade's site, and my answers are below it. As well as the three people I plan on tagging!!! Who's the lucky bloggers???? hehehehe And if I tag you, you have to play! Or else you'll make me cry! ;-)

I’ve been officially tagged! This little meme comes to you from Diane over at Ya Know?
The idea is to pick 5 and complete the sentances, then pass this little meme on to 3 more of your blog pals!
If I could be a scientist…If I could be a farmer…If I could be a musician…If I could be a doctor…If I could be a painter…If I could be a gardener…If I could be a missionary…If I could be a chef…If I could be an architect…If I could be a linguist…If I could be a psychologist…If I could be a librarian…If I could be an athlete…If I could be a lawyer…If I could be an inn-keeper…If I could be a professor…If I could be a writer…If I could be a llama-rider…If I could be a bonnie pirate…If I could be an astronaut…If I could be a world famous blogger…If I could be a justice on any one court in the world…If I could be married to any current famous political figure…
Here are my answers!

If I could be a lawyer : I would do 20% pro bono work helping battered women obtain their Protection orders and divorces. For free unless I could nail the bastard for HER lawyer fees!

If I could be a musician : I would make beautiful music, until I either died of AIDS or Hep. C. due to all the gorgeous people throwing themselves at me, and offerring me drugs. (Eh. Maybe not, maybe I would overcome the temptations... LOL)

If I could be a writer : All would be well with my world. I would like what I was doing, and take great joy outta seeing a part of me preserved in book form. And of course 10% of all book proceeds would go to legal defense of battered women seeking to rid themsleves of an abusive husband. Or a battered man, seeking the same. (I know it happens)

If I could be an Athlete : I would choose tennis as my sport. And be a celebrity advocate and spokeswoman for Domestic Violence shelters.

If I could be a psychologist : Physician heal thyself! ah, just kidding! Sort of. At any rate, again I would try and reach battered women, working a day a week, counseling those that came to my local shelter.

That was completely painless, and FUN. F U N FUN! So now, it is my turn to tag three people! This is going to be a little more difficult then filling out the meme! I have to take into consideration WHO would actually acknowledge me, and not ignore my request like a fly around a pile of shit. Then again, also having to consider that some of my readers don't visit everyday, and may not see it....hmmmm

OK, don't scream at me Priss! ;-) But I choose
And let's see, how bout Sassy!
And my good buddy Rich!

I woulda choose DB at Corporate Crap and Other Dubious Wisdom, but I figured the beautiful Bitchatude who was tagged right along with me, would tag her (SO) significant and very handsome other. ;-) So if she doesn't tag him it's up to one of you three!

Now Sassy, Rich, and Priss PLEASE play, so as not to publicly humiliate me, by not playing???

Ranting & Raging!

I want to scream obscenities! Why and who? The X-husband! I'm about to blow my so called "fairy tale, we're still friends divorce" right outta the water!!! I'm so pissed off I can't see straight! The X's right-wing holier than thou, arragant, condescending attitude will eventually cost him! And soon!

I let things slide. Little comments, that can be taken two ways. I try and work with him on raising my kids as healthily as possible. I don't keep strict to the divorce decree! I give him room to be a dad somewhat during my week with the kids. Usually letting him have a few hours with them on his days off that fall midweek.

But I cannot stand it when he comes across like some smug know it all perfect parent! The man is an emotional cripple! And in my opinion is working as hard as he can to turn his kids into exactly that!!

It took some smug comment for the blinders to lift, and for me to see a few things that I can no longer ignore in the name of keeping the peace! For the record, there is no such thing as a good divorce. If things were so peachy, there never would have been a divorce in the first place!

This man brings new meaning to the word martyr. And as far as making any valid point with him, forget it. It's like trying to grab a great big wad of snot in your hand. It's gonna slide right out between your fingers! I get so frustrated in having to deal with him!

To the X:
You believe you have all the answers! You're going to turn our kids into mealy mouthed martyrs, who need to be coddled or they will fall apart. You scoff at the school system, and let our kids know you feel this way! You undermine what I try to teach my kids, in order that they may function in society. You would prefer they remain dependant on you, so you can continue to be a self sacrificing martyr to the world. The only problem, nobody cares!!!! Nobody's watching, you idiot! You're going to inevitably scar your kids for an agenda you have, that you don't even consciously recognize!

I'm pulling in the reins on you! You will succumb to a few areas regarding OUR children, or you may see your kids ONLY on your week with them! Riley WILL remain in the 3rd grade if the teacher and the principal feels it is in HIS best interest! I suggest you shut the fuck up! when it comes to how you feel about the public school system!!! THEY are the powers that be, regarding your childrens education!!! Fighting them, ignoring their requests for help in getting him to act responsible and do what is requested is only going to hurt RILEY!!!

Our son, to my face with obstinate chin lifted said, "My dad says I don't have to stay in 3rd grade, period!" A reminder Mr. X! I am the custodial parent as set forth by the divorce decree! I also have ultimate and full control over ANY and ALL education decisions!! Check your decree ASSHOLE!

My new husband and I have fought all year to work at, and prod Riley into being a responsible, respectful student!! And you with your arrogant condescending attitudes have done your best to UN-DO THIS! Right now, I wouldn't piss on you if you were on fire!!!

Your sense of self worth, far outweighs the realities. And your self-destructive martyr syndrome, coupled with your need to be needed at all costs will cost. It will cost with our kids. You fucking idiot, it cost you our marragie! I garauntee I will not let it interfere with my new marraige! And I will do my best to keep you from taking our kids down with you!

They have to be able to function in THIS world. You may keep YOUR head in the clouds, because you have your eduaction, and your job. These kids NEED to succeed as much as they can NOW! Not "down the road" when you think it counts!

Learning responisbility and discipline is our job as parents. And you Mr. X have failed miserably in this department!! NOW is when they learn it!!! NOT when they start High School!

You spent our whole marraige always making me out as the "bad guy". Whether it be with relatives all around us, or with my son, that I allowed you to adopt. He was dutiful to you during the divorce. He knows which side his bread is buttered on. You have made our children your best friends, no wait, your ONLY friends! And neglected your responisbilities of parent. Once again making me the bad guy. Someone has to parent these kids! They have friends at school jack-ass! That is not supposed to be your position until they are well adjusted self supporting adults!!!!

I will take the reins on this, because I see it as the job God entrusted me with. But my resentment and anger towards you, continues to grow. And just to try and hurt you!! Let me say this; I have not for ONE iota of a minute EVER regretted divorcing YOU!!! You are a suffocating force with your co-dependancy!!!

Sitting on MY patio listening to you tell Rox about counseling and it's benefits when for years you refused to go!!! You refused to go before the divorce! You refused to go after the divorce, and then you sit there recommending it??? I wanted to vomit and laugh at the same time! You sir, are a hypocrite in the biggest possible ways!

Now that I'm releasing my anger, how do I handle having to approach him, with the changes that need to be made? I will never come out and say what I have vented here. I'm not out to hurt my kids any further then they are. But I cannot let things conitinue, at the rate that Riley is going he'll be a juvenile deliquent by the time he is 13.

I hate confrontation and that SOB knows it! I am now pushed to the point where I cannot let things slide. Tomorrow's appt. with the principal and Riley's teacher, should tell me more. The fact they made a point out of saying that I need not include the X in this speaks volumes. As does the fact that his teacher suggested I take the X back to court and get full custody, since he refuses to be a parent. As is already well documented in Riley's school records. (Best friend, yes. Parent, no)

I hate having to deal with him. His smug arrogance makes me want to bitch slap him and kick his sorry ass outta my house! Somtimes I wonder at myself, #1 for marrying him. and #2. For procreating with him. I chalk it up to a need for couseling (intensive counseling) after marraige #1. Because surely if I'd been in my right mind, I wouldn't have made such a grievous error as marrying him.

I probably need to pray that God gives me the right words, that actually sinks into his dim brain, without turning this into a major blowout! But I cannot ignore things any further. Riley needs to be reined in before he complelely flunks out of grade school. And the asshole's influence needs to be diminished, as far as during my week with the kids.

And to think I had such a wonderful week-end with my husband. The afterglow has certainly worn off, and reality sets in. I am counting down until Sunday. When Kevin and I leave for Laughlin NV for a relaxing week! This is just far too much reality to have to deal with, the week before vacation. And on the heels of marital bliss!
That fucktard!

Friday, April 22, 2005

Part of my Family & my Friend.

My girlfriend, Kathy that I have written about last month, passed away this morning. I don't remember her exact age, although I remember her Birthday, she was somewhere between 45 and 48. She had a battle with cervical cancer the lasted for 4 years total. And gave up the battle this morning, after a brief conversation with her sister.

She struggled to walk to the bathroom stopping often to catch her breath, and turn her oxygen tank up as high as she could get it. By the time she struggled back to her bed, she was exausted. Exausted from the pain, and the lack of oxygen. She turned to her sister, and said, "Lena, I want to die." Lena said, "You can do that Kathy." Kathy's response:" I don't know how." Lena held her hand, and told Kathy to close her eyes, and not to worry about that part. God would take care of that for her. Trust him to handle it. Kathy closed her eyes, and peacefully passed away 10 minutes later.

This woman was truly an inspiration to all who loved her. I realize we often say this, about loved ones who pass on. In this case it was far more then true. Kathy had a devotion to her husband and children, not born just from a sense of responsiblity, and what was right. She enjoyed doing so, embraced it with a joy and fun loving spirit, that each task she tackled in life was fun, because it was part of living.

Three months prior to her death, she was carrying bags of cement to work on a home improvement project. Went to scrub down the boat that she and her husband loved going out on, spending time with their kids on the water. She served as the Secretary to the yacht club they belonged to. She sat in her wheelchair, directing a group of relatives that had come over to do her flower planting this early spring. Her garden always brought her great joy, and she spent much time every year, planting and cultivating a wide variety of flowers that she always took joy in.

While she continued to "live life" she would also go into the hospital every 6 weeks to have the fluid drained off of her lungs. She had lymphnodes removed. Chemotherapy was a regular part of her life the last year. As she was having it done regularly, on a maintenance basis. Just to hold the cancer at bay. She dealt with pain on a daily basis, and did so with more grace then I would have thought humanly possible.

And thru it all, she continued to live. With great spirit she tackled anything she wanted to try and do. Last month, she packed up her kids and her husband, because she wanted the family to go to Hawaii together. They went. And the rest of the family prayed for her, each and everyday, that God would grant her this one last vacation, to enjoy her kids and her husband. She went into heart failure the last day of their vacation and had to be flown back to the mainland immediately. But she got her vacation.

Three months ago, she had wanted to jet ski. My cousin bought her a jet ski, and she went out on it as many times as she could. She LIVED life, actively, happily, and with spirit. And clung to every possible means of staying alive. I don't believe much of it was born out of fear. Just out of a great love for living, and being with her kids and her husband. She had wanted to live long enough, to watch her 18 yr old son, graduate from high School in June. It wasn' t going to be.

As my family says goodbye to such a wonderful, love and spirit filled woman, we each have gone over our special and privately owned memories of her. We have cried off and on all day. It's hard, and sad to say goodbye to a loved one. There's somthing harder when this person is young with so much to offer and who gives freely of herself.

What breaks my heart, and had me angry for a little while today, was thinking of my cousin, and his great love for his wife. Thinking of their kids, losing mom, long before we think we will deal with this. Her daughter has one more year of H.S. her son, on the brink of grauduation. Her husband distraught, after spending all of his adult years with this devoted woman.

They will have to go thru the grieving process, with all of it's rough and emotionally draining stages. They will now have to work out life in its day to day, painfully aware of the gaping hole in it, created by her death. Missing the simplest of exchanges, the subtlest of touches.

I have my private memories of lunches together, gossiping and catching up on the different branches of our family. Conspiratorially sharing a glass of wine together minutes before noon, giggling at our "wickedness." These memories are now mine. To keep alive in my heart and my mind, when I think of Kathy.

And now whats left, is the prayers going up for a family that has lost their wife and their mom. I lift my prayers for Jim, and the kids. That God will blanket them in comfort and in peace. And an assurance that they will one day be reunited.


Dear Lord, Help us to lift our hearts and minds above despair and doubt, thru prayer. Thank you for Your gift of life. And the love that surrounds us, in the families that you gave us.

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

Corporate Crap & Other Dubious Wisdom Review

Let me start by saying, I was intimidated on several different levels, doing this review. First, by the title of D. Brooks weblog. Corporate Crap & Dubious Wisdom brings to mind business articles, and wisdom suggests exactly what I did think. Here is an intellegent goodlooking man, who had spent decades in the business world, and was about to impart his wisdom to those reading his blog. And I wouldn't understand it, or get it, or would find it dry and statistical. Which brings us back to I wouldn't get it, so how would I review it?

And I was wrong on these assumptions. DB's Corporate Crap & other Dubious Wisdom is well written, interesting, and entertaining on as many different levels as I had been intimidated on. He imparts his wisdom on employment and economical matters that are comprehendable to the layman. Using examples, to illustrate his points. One post I enjoyed reading was Exiled at 50, where he gave financial advice that is not only useful to the baby boomer generation but to everyone. And encouraged all his readers to think about the issues facing workers today, compared to generations past.

DB's categories for his posts are Corporate, Humor, Friends, Dubious Wisdom, Crappola and Bullying. And the topics of his posts have a wide range, from the workplace, to how to answer the tough questions women pose to their men. This was funny, and maybe a little eye openeing as a woman who has asked, "Does this make my butt look too big?"

One of the qualities that stands out about his writing, is his ability to keep his posts down to earth, humorous on ocassion, informative and polished. DB acknowledges his commenters, and communicates a warm politeness in his responses.

On a personal note, he lives in Hawaii, and has gone back to college to pursue his advanced degree and "inflict all that hard earned wisdom on the youth of America." (His words) ;-)

One of the fun aspects of DB's weblog is his interaction with the beautiful Bitchatude his significant other, who also keeps a fun and informative weblog. Besides being a striking intellegent couple, they both exude a warmth and a sense of fun that draws others to them.

DB is also one of the few men involved in the Malicious Bitch Club or MBC as president of the club. I've been to MBC a few times, but not enough to be famalier with what they are all about. I do plan on looking in there further though.

In conclusion, I would highly recommend DB's Corporate Crap & other Dubious Wisdom to everyone. He's informative without being dry, entertaining with style, and interactive with his readers/commenters, which always wins points in my book!

And he completed the best of the bestest of Meme's, which makes him open, and willing to just play! Thank you DB for allowing me to review your blog.

Monday, April 18, 2005

Ending Season & Week-end Recaps.

Our hot AZ days are coming quickly! My kids christened the pool sunday all day. Although I think they are more then a month premature. (It feels like a great big giant glass of ice water, that is full of ice cubes.) Although it looks inviting and beautiful, it would chill me to the bone. They had a great time playing in it. We bar-b-qued and had my son and his girlfriend over too.

Saturday night, the X babysat a few hours for me, as we had to go to the Child Crisis Center benefit at Gainey Ranch Resort in Scottsdale. Their theme (as I think it is every year) is A Night in the Tropics. Dress is accordingly.

I didn't really feel up to the whole routine of make-up, hair, and dressing up. But I'm glad I went. It is for a wonderful cause, and I enjoy the people watching. They usually have a silent auction, for which I warned the hubby and prepared myself. The Tempe Governors Ball silent auction cost us a small fortune, when he went a little crazy bidding, and yes I did my share on a couple of items.

We were both good. When we would come upon jewelry, and he'd ask if I liked it, my reply was always NO. That wasn't easy for me, but necessary. He bid ONCE on one item, a two night stay at one of the resorts with a champagne breakfast. As far as I know, we were outbid, and didn't win. This IS a good thing.

They also have raffle ticket purchases, usually for trips, or jewelry. We usually pick up a few of those, although have never won anything. (But that's tax deductable!;-) The dinner at this event, in my opinion is/was sub par, but then again we are talking about charity. The interesting thing about dining this year, was that we were seated, at the channel 12 table. I don't watch channel 12 news, but had seen the commercials, so I at least knew who Lin Sue Cooney and Mark Curtis were, when they introduced themselves to us.

When we sat down, I was comfortable, and admittedly slightly bored. I remember looking around the table, and thinking how all the woman at our table were so pretty and their make-up perfect. (I know, shallow thought, but hey, we all have them from time to time) This was before finding out that we were at channel 12's table. Then it made perfect sense. I wanna be on TV! So I can have perfect make-up! That was the interesting part of the evening. With my neck in the shape it was in, we couldn't dance, so we did end up cutting it short.

I won't talk about the conversations I eavesdropped on, as much as I would like to. I don't want to invade these (semi?) celebrities' privacy. Overall they all seemed like very nice people. Even if sitting in their presence made me feel nervous, and like I didn't belong there. I think I introduced myself (mumbling nervously) as "Kevin's wife, Tamber". I know, not exactly a woman of the milleneum, more like of the 50's. Eh. I can live with it.

Lat week-end we went to a party JUST for the parties sake, and to be with good friends! And we both had a blast! Shelly, one of "my homegirls" and her significant other, thru a costume 1800's, western, murder mystery dinner party.

And the costumes were great! We each had a role to play, that we had gotten with the invitation, and there were 5 scenes, that we would read as we went. When everyone talked, it was in character. After a few champagnes, it was even funnier! Neither I, nor Kevin ended up being the murderer. That ended up being Shelly, the madam of the local whore house.

My role was Helena Handcart. (Hell in a handcart, hehehehe) The matriarch of the handcart Cattle ranch. Who had just buried my 13 sons, who were killed in a shootout. Kevin was Elias Truist Heath (or He lieth thru his teeth) The up-and-coming heartthrob gunfighter. We all got into our roles, and had a great time! I got a few pics. I'll post eventually, whenever I get my shit together, and get them to Rachel.

It was a lot of fun, and I thank Shelly and Will for inviting us! You can buy these murder mystery theme dinner party games at the different game stores you see in malls. I think they are called Game Daze, or somthing like that. My next dinner party I would like to do one of those. I'm looking at either the Rockstar one or the Roaring 20's. Both sound like they would be fun! And can be ordered at which is part of

I love playing dress-up. Halloween is an honored tradition in our home. Even for myself and the hubby. Who has LEARNED to enjoy dressing up. (He doesn't have a choice) LOL Costumes are adults way to be kids again, and I'm never giving it up! This last years Halloween party, my costume won! And yes I was very proud, and happy over it! I went as the maid from Rocky Horror Picture Show, and pulled it off to a tee, if I do say so myself. (I should have, I spent hours on the make-up and assembling the costume.)

This Wednesday we are going to the opening of the new Mesa Arts Center. (champagne! my favorite!) But as the hot weather sets in, the different charity events, openings and happenings will come to an end for another season. I love going to them as I see it as another opportunity to play dress-up. And the charity events, are always for good causes. (ie; hospitals, shelters, child crisis centers, etc.)

But as the snowbirds head home, the waits for resturaunt seatings go down. The time spent on the roads, on freeways also goes down. And the pool opens for use. And I'm looking forward to a nice even tan. (skin cancer be damned) My motto; everything in moderation. Including laying out for that sun kissed look. ;-)

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