Stumbling thru life w/Grace

Monday, January 17, 2005

A Love Letter - To my Home Girls

I guess I am feeling a little on the sappy side. But I'm OK with it. I found a "Thought for the day, on a blog called Suburban Musings. One she did 10/18/04 on a monday. It stood out, so I am adopting her thought, today. Her blog is at

Thought for the day; Be true to yourself, others will disappoint you occasionally, so you have to remember to be good to your own self.

Nothing need be added to that.

Today I was thinking about the friendships I have established, since moving to Arizona, from WA State 4 years ago. And in so doing, I was humbled, and thankful. To come to a state, with my family, and no ties (including no job) was scary, and exciting. Having moved a few times in my teen age years, I was well aware that building friendships in a new area, takes time, effort, and patience. And a sense of self, to get you thru that whole time and patience thing.

Establishing friendships, as an adult, in a new area, is just hard at times. It means puttting yourself out there, taking chances on rejection, and on ocassion being rejected. No one likes to be rejected, it hurts sometimes, even when we may try and block it. But you move on, and keep putting yourself out there. (Definition of "putting yourself out there" : Allowing others in, to see who you really are, bad and good.) You learn by doing that, who your friends really are. I am picky, in that area. I have my criteria, to what a good friend is. This criteria, helps me differentiate, between "good friends' and those that may be ocassional friends, and those I end up lableing as aquantances. Sounds cold, I know. But it isn't. Everyone does this, to one form or another. And when they do (subconsciously, or not) someone on the receiving end, will end up feeling rejected. This little analogy, teaches me one thing. How can we possibly take that rejection too personal? And if we shouldn't take it personally, it should not affect our ability to put ourselves out there. It means, I just didn't fit into their criteria. Which I have no control over.

My definition of a Good Friend

She/He knows my shortcomings, and loves me anyway.
S/H shares from their lives, unafraid to allow me in to see their shortcomings. Knowing I will love them anyway.
S/H knows how to laugh. At a joke, at ME, at themselves. Knowing that I am laughing with them, and they with me.
S/H knows how to give advice, w/o trying to run my life; and with warmth and love.
S/H will love me and accept, even decisions I make that they disagree with.
S/H will cheer for me, and exhort me, even the decisions I make that they disagree with.
S/H will make an attempt, to get to know my spouse, and find somthing that they can like about him, because after all, I love him. There is some good there, if he is her choice.
S/H loves me unconditionally. Whether I have a degree, or not. Whether my house is spotless or not. Whether I am employed, or not. (As is the case at the moment.) Whether I can be available to them at the moment, or not.
S/H forgives my mistakes, because I am human. And as someone who is stumbling thru life, I make a lot of them!
S/H is not afraid to express their love for me, and does. (A hug is worth a thousand words!)

OK, this is not necessarily all inclusive, but it is my basics of friendship. As lofty as some of these are, it is the list I try and follow for BEING a friend, to my friends. I don't always succeed, but I try, and I put myself out there.

I count myself as extremely lucky! to have found a group of friends, that give this to me, as well as accept it from me. This particular group of women are loved by me. And that isn't written lightly. There are things that go unsaid, but I know, that this group loves me. For these friendships I am eternally grateful.

Shelly, you send me inspirational mails, and the good ol' raunchy joke, usually just when I need it. You are real, open and warm. You accepted my husband, and reached out to him. As well as sharing Brian with us. Whom I think is wonderful by the way.

Lori, you're beautiful. You are warm, kind, and caring. Know how to laugh, have a good time, and cry when you feel the need. You're supportive, and allow others to support you. You will find what you're looking for.

Jenny, you have shared your life with me. You have taught me a lot. On the job, as well as personally. Your patience in life, I admire tremendously. You're smart, articulate, and always have a ready smile, and open heart. (And I wanna throw you a baby shower; as soon as we know the sex)

Vickie, you have gone thru a lot in your life. You have had more then your share of turmoil, brought on by people you loved, and still you continue to love, and laugh. You have a zeal for fun, that is infectous. And you are strong and disciplined. Supporting your boys with little to no help, working hard to succeed at your career.

These women, who I admire and care about, are friends that I love, and will always be loyal to. They make me, the lucky person I consider myself. I have other friends in my life, that I value, and treasure and love as well. But this core group, are what make my life, in this beautiful desert, home.They are my adopted family, who I chose, and who chose me. And I pray that God never allows me to take that for granted. They will always own a part of my heart. And they make up the group, I call my homegirls. ( And someday, future Red Hat Society club? lol)

So this post, is dedicated to Shelly, Lori, Jenny, and Vickie. You have me as your ally in life, today and always.


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