Stumbling thru life w/Grace

Thursday, January 27, 2005

A Toast; To All We Ever Find

As I was watching American Idol last night, my mind kept going back to...what can be my feel good song, to replace Wild Wild West? a song that brings a smile to my lips, and warmth in my heart, regardless of what is going on, or where I am at.....it's tough. It HAS to be special, to hold that place. And it has to be mine. I want to own it. ( In my heart, and in my mind anyway.)

I also found it ironic, that I was watching a hit TV show, that was based around music, while mulling over my choices. And I thought about what G-man http://digitalfishwrap.blogspot.com/ said regarding music, and it's meaning at different points in our life. And I do agree with him. One song cannot do it, for a lifetime. There are things we go thru in our lives that will make a song special to us, solely based on where we are, and what we are going thru at that particular time.

Which reminded me of another "special song" from the past. A song that caused me to actually buy the same CD 4 different times in my life. It was one of those sad songs, about breaking up, and how we feel we are forever changed because of it. That song for me, was Total Eclipse of the Heart, by Bonnie Tyler. I knew the words by heart, and would sing it with every bit of passionate heartbreak that I was feeling. That song was almost without hope, as she sang about, once upon a time I was falling in love, and now I'm only falling apart. Nothing I can do, a total eclipse of the heart. Once upon a time, there was light in my life, now there's only love in the dark, nothing I can say, a total eclipse of the heart. You get the picture. And for the record, that is one helluva LONG song, with a shit load of lyrics! If you want to see the rest of them, you can find em online. Since that ISN'T my song of choice, I'm not typing them all out.

OK, I am off track again. The reason I would have to continually buy it, is that when I would go thru a break up, that is what I wanted to hear, sing, and dwell on. And then, being the melodramatic soul that I am, when I would fall in love again (don't get mad at me for wasting) I would toss it into the garbage. Convinced I would never need to dwell on heartbreak again. I was optimistic anyway! This happened four different times. So I would have to say, that was "my song" off and on thru literally a couple of decades.

And then, there was one other song, that during an extremely exciting, illicit affair I had over a decade ago(for which I have long since repented of).....I played, over and over and over and over. This man made me feel like I was the whole bag of chips! That I had it all! I was "IT" I still have that CD, and I'm not really sure why. The singer, although she was a great musician, was what you would refer to as a One Hit Wonder. ( I also met her once, in a bar on the waterfront in Portland Oregon / arn't I special, lol) So one practical reason her song got lots of play time, was basically I didn't care for the rest of the CD. At all. Her name was Meredith Brooks. And her song (my song) was "Bitch" I know that sounds bad, but you would have to hear the words to understand. Bitch made me feel like Queen Shit, that who she sang about was me! Another one, I won't waste valuable typing time, putting the lyrics down. I'm sure it too is on the internet, if your so inclined to look it up. (What ISN"T on the internet?!) So, in my own life, I am seeing the practical application of G-mans opinion on music.

But for me, I'm gonna deal in the here and now. My song now. Every bit as significant as anything from the past. More so actually. Because it's now. My new song also has a story behind it. My then fiance' (now husband) picked this song, for us to dance to,at our wedding reception.

We didn't have a big wedding. Quite the opposite. We picked a beautiful spot out in an area with breathtaking desert landscaping. And the only people in attendance were my 3 children, the pastor, and my parents. Oh; and the groom of course. My husband wrote our vows. (he IS the writer in the family) They were beautiful, and eloquent of course. (I may dig them up one day and post them. Since I am so proud of the job he did.) It was a very intimate ceremony. What we did have planned later that evening, was the reception, at my house. Everyone that I worked with came, my homegirls were in there....and quite a few that I would have to say I knew just a little better then aquantances. Being very proud of my parents, and their phenominal marraige (just the fact that they stayed together qualified it as phenominal) I asked my father to prepare the "toast". He is fairly well read, and I knew he would put heart into it. Our dance, to the song my husband picked out, was actually planned towards the end, when we were to be alone.

So as the night wore on, and champagne glasses were filled, my father cleared his voice, and began his speech. A hush fell over the group. (well somewhat, it is hard to keep everyone quiet.) I need to mention at this point, that this was to be my 3rd wedding. The first one didn't count ( a post for another day), but the 2nd one was over 16 years long. And Rick had very much become a part of my extended family. Birthdays, Holidays, etc...He was Uncle Rick to all my neices and nephews. And the father of my children....which puts his place in our family tree, firmly.

So dad started his speech of well wishes, and good fortune, health, love, romance. And then he had everyone raise their glasses as he proudly said To Tamber and Rick! My grooms name was NOT Rick! Most of the guests had also met Rick, but knew he was the EX, and certainly not in attendance at this ocassion. I didn't wear white at this wedding; but I garauntee my face went whiter then any wedding dress could ever be! Kevin took the whole thing quite graciously. (At least I think he did. I have since learned he has the best "poker face" of any man I have ever known.) Someone quickly diverted the attn. to cake cutting and picture taking....and by now I was exausted emotionally. I love my father so dearly, but if I could have shoved those words back down his throat!!! I would have.

Now as the night was winding down; (only my good friends, and drinkers left) everyone headed inside the house around the TV. Keven and I; we snook out on the back patio, where we danced to this song. The words were perfect. And I still to this day will stick this CD in the car player, and sing along to it, while drivng by myself. It gives me that warm, happy, this is my song feeling. And I think I'm gonna keep it for a decade or two.

The name of the song is "All We Ever Find" By Tim McGraw

Say exactly how you feel
Right now your free to say it all
There is no one here to judge you
I only love you
Your free to close your eyes and fall
You can trust me, this is real
Say exactly how you feel

Tell me all your dreams
And what you think love means
We'll lock the world outside
Embrace the gift of time
Promising forever
Knowing that this moment
Might be all we ever find

Every breath of who you are
Tells a story that I love
I have finally found the truth
In what I see in you
And what I feel with every touch
The simple beauty of your heart
In every breath of who you are

(chorus) Tell me all your dreams
And what you think love means
We'll lock the world outside
Embrace the gift of time
Promising forever
Knowing that this moment
Might be all we ever find

(repeat chorus)

Promising forever
Knowing that this moment
Might be all we ever find...

Well there it is, my new song! Retiring the old. Marking this portion of my life. And since it is again late, I won't go off on a tangent as to WHAT, this portion of my life is. I just know, it includes this song:-)


And Today's P - T - Q (Prayer, thought, quip) from AZ Republic (azcentral.com)

Lord, remind us to live by your teachings of love, faith, hope and good will. Amen

"Music is the only language in which you cannot say a mean or sarcastic thing."
--John Erskine, American Author & Educator (1879-1951)

A good Executive is one who thinks an assistant who did ALL the work, should get at least a
quarter of the credit.

Goodnight friends! Smoky and I are going to bed now.

3 Comments:

  • Great song! They are a power couple!

    By Blogger Brat, at 12:15 AM  

  • Thanks Brat. :-)
    Still looking for yours. (Not that I'm napping, or whining or anything....) Nosy? Definitely!

    By Blogger 3rd Times a Charm, at 10:13 AM  

  • Editing note on previous post...That was sipposed to be "nagging" not napping. Although, that doesn't sound like too bad of and idea.... napping that is.

    By Blogger 3rd Times a Charm, at 10:15 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home


<< # Bitch Club ? >>

« ? dry heat! # »