Stumbling thru life w/Grace

Wednesday, March 30, 2005

Out of the Mouths of Babes

I got this today from a website that sends me an e-mail called The Mouthpeice. I thought it was cute, and it made me chuckle, so here it is. I'm off to do all the errands I have let build up, because I was too busy reading everyone's blogs. That's much more fun, then daily life errands!

And the weather outside has improved drastically, as has my mood with it.

By the way, Will's (AGE 7) is my favorite comment. He is the last one.

[m] b i t s . n . b o b s CHILDREN'S DEFINITIONS OF MARRAIGE

"Marriage is when you get to keep your girl and don't have to give her back to her parents." -Eric, AGE 6

"When somebody's been dating for a while, the boy might propose to the girl. He says to her, 'I'll take you for a whole life, or at least until we have kids and get divorced, but you got to do one particular thing for me.' Then she says yes, but she's wondering what the thing is and whether it's naughty or not. She can't wait to find out." -Anita, AGE 9

"You flip a nickel, and heads means you stay with him and tails means you try the next one." -Kelly, AGE 9

"My mother says to look for a man who is kind. So that's what I'll do. I'll find somebody who's kinda tall and kinda handsome." -Carolyn, AGE 8

"Eighty-four. Because at that age, you don't have to work anymore and you can spend all your time loving each other in your bedroom." -Carolyn, AGE 8

"Once I'm done with kindergarten, I'm going to find me a wife." Bert AGE 5

"You should ask the people who read Cosmopolitan." -Kirsten, AGE 10

"It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need somebody to clean up after them." -Anita, AGE 9

"It gives me a headache to think about that stuff. I'm just a kid. I don't need that kind of trouble." -Will, AGE 7 ____________________________________________________________

Monday, March 28, 2005

Just Another Manic Monday

Said with sarcasm. Manic, probably does not define it. More like Monday blahs. Geeze I don't like mondays! I don't work outside the home, and still I don't like them. Some are better then others, this one sucks. What monday represents is a work week, even for stay at home moms. I won't get into the mudane aspects, and not because of what you might think. My husband handles a lot of the laundry. OK, MOST of the laundry. It just never has sit very high on my list.

When we were dating, and I was working fulltime, this got even worse. He came over to find me in a depressed heap, staring at a good 15 loads of laundry, wondering how in the hell it got so bad, and why hadn't I seen it coming. Hubby tells it, that this was indeed the one time he wondered what he was letting himself in for, hooking up with the mother of 3 children. The oldest still living at home at the time.

Anyway, back to the depressed heap that was me. He had called, and I had made it abundantly clear, that seeing him was outta the question, the laundry was over running the apartment, and threatening to become a health hazard if I didn't address this problem immediately. I knew damn well that I would not work at it during the work week. He being the aggressive take charge man that he is, said it wasn't a big deal, he would help catch me up. My best friend at the apts. also came over, seeing the state of things, she too said she would help. There are times when I definitely bring out the co-dependent in friends and lovers, and usually housework and laundry are tied to it somehow.

Rox immediately went to work cleaning my kitchen. Kevin looked at the laundry in stunned shock, recovered quickly, and initiated poker face mode. He decided that we would load up ALL loads and take them to a luandry mat, where they could be whipped out in no time. Rox kept working on my apartment, and Kevin decided we would take my kids and Rox's with US. With loaded down laundry baskets, and bags of hangars and 4 kids in tow, we were off.

I am a hipocrite of the worse kind. Had I been dating a man with kids, well, other then casual dating, and walked in on this scene, I would have ran for cover, and never looked back! Not that this would happen, since I had decided I would not get serious with a man who had children. I know, how hypocritical can I be, right? I have great admiration for families that come together, with his and hers in the way of offspring. The melding of so many different family values and priorities, just seems like an impossible mountain to climb. I know other families do this, and my hats off to them. I just knew I didn't have that kind of strength, or stamina, OR energy to try and make that work.

Well laundry took us approximately 4 hours to wash, dry, fold and hang, and then reload into the family minivan. By then all 4 kids were starved as well as boyfriend and myself. (Some date huh!? lol) We ate outside, at Sonic, with the skies grey and sprinkling. I think my now- husband remembers this day with nightmares. As ever since, he doesn't even allow any time to elapse, before constantly throwing laundry into the washer. And always remembering to put it into the dryer. I get sidetracked so easily, that a lot of my problem is forgotten laundry. That, and outta sight outta mind mentality.

So when I address monday blahs, it usually has little to do with the mundane chores of laundry and sheet washing, etc. It has to do with getting everyone out the front door in the morning, and reflecting on the week-end. As well as looking around at the morning clutter, and trying to put it back into order.

This morning as I reflect on the week-end it is with disappontment. It had all the makings of a decent week-end. The week-end with just my spouse, as the kids were with their father. My husband and I have far more beautiful alone week-ends, always with some unexpected twists and turns, but good. This Easter week-end does not qualify by a longshot.

Friday he is usually beat up from a long work-week, and this one was no exception. We usually rent movies, scrounge for whatever for dinner, and just take it easy. Saturday we had planned out "date night". We always enjoy going to musicals or plays. While we were dating we had gone to the Gammage Theatre a few times. But in Mesa there is also a small theatre called the Broadway Palms. They had Guys and Dolls playing, so we got tickets, and planned an evening meal out.

We broke open a bottle of champagne before going, and of course drank the whole damn thing. Decided to have dinner after the fact, and just head over to the theatre. We got there a little early and sat up to the bar, where I had a Cosmo, and he had a pepsi. (He was driving.) The headache set in minutes after sitting down in the theatre. And then the sleepiness. And then the lead in the play had more of an operatic voice. In fact trying to sing in lower keys then opera, were less then successful. The headache got worse, I closed my eyes and tried tuning her (the lead singer) out. What I succeeded in doing was to doze off. Several times during the first acts. I kept my head turned away from my husband so he wouldn't know. But by intermission, I had had my fill, of Guys and Dolls done with an operatic lead, that I truly wanted to strangle silent.

We headed outside for a cigarette, and I thought I would fish to see if he was enjoying the performance. Thank God he was just as bored and tired and restless and hungry as I was. For the record, I do believe my ability to enjoy the theatre is directly related to my mood at the
time. She may very well have been considered talented, but if the mood isn't right, I'm not going to see it. We headed over to Charelstons for dinner. Another huge collasal disaster. I was in the mood for another prime rib. They had a few peices left, but they were medium rare. Way to pink for my tastes, but I chose it anyway. The garlic mash, tasted "funny" The salad dressing tasted off, and was almost warm, which always sends up red flags. The dinner overall wasn't even a close second to Houstons steak house. Which we had just had the previous week when Delta was visiting.

By the time we got home, I was fighting a massive headache, tinged with mild nausea, and just weak. This was also supposed to be a romance night. That, we both could see was not gonna be happening either.

Sunday, or Easter, was lackluster and flat. We didn't have the enthusiasm to even put an Easter dinner together. We took this beautiful ham, and made sandwiches out of it. Got into a bickering fight, that usually has me trying to run away. (hop in the car, and drive off) He cannot stand this, and will literally stand behind my vehicle, blocking my path, so I can go no where. My father has heard this before and laughed. He remembers a Tamber who would go into an uncontrollable rage, and would just as soon run over anyone who got in my way. (I've mellowed, or gotten older, or maybe I'm just too damn tired to fight like that anymore) He can't understand how a man who knows me and is married to me, would possibly take that kinda gamble.

At any rate Kevin will not allow me to run, and eventually we hash thru shit. And we did, and we settled in to watch a movie. This was with Annette Benning, called Being Julia. I enjoyed it, but it was a slower moving movie, which put Kevin to sleep fairly quickly. Soon there after the kids were back. So basically the week-end that gives my husband and I a chance to re-connect as lovers, didn't even resemble that. It was not from some lack of effort in trying to create it either.

I find when this happens, it will put me in a real funk. And so I am, and so here I sit. The skies here in AZ are grey and dreary, with the threatening look of rain in the sky. Guess this fits my mood. And still I haven't attempted to clean up from the morning.

We are two weeks away from the opportunity to replace the memory of our shitty week-end together, and that depresses me. My goal, my conscious goal was quite the opposite. It's times like these, that I do believe in the stars, and the cosmos. They either work for you, or against you.

My father, a wise man, and bus driver for intercity transit, has a different theory. He says that whenever you "brag" on your spouse to others, prepare to have what you've said contradicted with a huge blow out. This would be in line with things that I have posted of late. He is a wonderful man, but happily ever after, and no effort in making things wonderful, are just not a reality. At least not a reality for us.

Marraige is not all warm fuzzies, and romance. At times, it can be quite the opposite. I debated on whether to write the truth, and decided to. This is my journal after all, and I don't want it to reflect this idealistic fairytale. Even what I normally consider the best marraige in the world, has those days you just as soon forget. We had a few this week-end.

Friday, March 25, 2005

My Husbands Tribute to his Father

I wanted to post my husband words, and thoughts about his dad. It ultimately was his loss, and pain, that Chet's passing has caused. My role, is and has been to be there for him, to listen when he wants to talk, to hug him when he needs comfort. I hope I am doing a decent job of it. But I cannot take away his grief.

My groom has always written me an e-mail, everyday that he works, since we started dating 4 years ago. (I am amazed at this, and love and cherish each and everyone of his words) A lot of the letters usually have to do with, whatever we may be dealing with at the time, or an upcoming Holiday, or guests coming to stay. So it made perfect sense to me, that he would chose his letter to me, to honor the memory of his father.

I am posting his letter that he sent to me. To keep it safe, and viewed here on a site that I spend a good deal of my time.

Subject :
in his honor

I'm sitting at the dining room table, where I have been nearly 90 minutes,
wrestling with Excel sheets and thinking about my dad. It's funny, when I
was an altar boy and served mass at funerals, I would always gaze at the
coffin and think about my parents with dread as I prayed that I would never
see them in that box, at least not before I either was called to God or
maybe got older.
God heard me, I know, and gave me and them the gift of a long life. It
wasn't an easy one, but I guess God decided what they could bear and they
bore everything he threw at them with grace and strength and unshaken
faith. And so today is the official day that we will say goodbye to Chet,
gone but not forgotten.
I thought of all that he was as a man and marveled over God's creation,
God's sense of humor, the utter complexity with which he created man and
this man in particular.
I know that my sibs will be crying and acting like he was actually alive in
that box in a way, but I do hope they draw a lot of comfort and joy in
knowing he had been around for a long time and had given what he could to
all of us.
So as I write this to you, thinking of him, I will pray for this:
That I never be as cranky or bitter as he was at most times, but that I am
as hard working and loyal a husband as he also was.
That I never turn my attention so completely to the distractions of TV as
he often did, but that I be as attentive to my wife as he was in my mom's
later years.
That I not shout with anger at the injustices of life, but instead use the
talents he helped me develop through his support and discipline to do my
best to undo some of those injustices.
That I not weep for joy only at Christmas time as he did when all his
family was around, but instead marvel a nd even weep with joy every single
day when I think of all God has given me, especially the gift he gave me in
That I not develop a sour attitude toward life because of the many
challenges he bore with shoulders straight and instead think of his
strength and his will to survive when God throws a curve ball at me.
That I, like him and my mom, never again forget my faith or store it on a
shelf and instead try to practice His Word during every waking moment.
That I always remember that he loved me and toiled endlessly as a young and
middle aged man to keep his family out of harm's way and that I do the same
with you and the kids.
And finally, I hope that as he joins my mom in eternity that he can look at
me, warts and all, and take pride in what he helped raise and draw comfort
in the fact that I have finally found, as he did in my mom, a woman to whom
I am bound for life--and whatever comes after that.
I love you, my bride
with all my heart.

What a man I married! I am amazed at my good fortune in finding him. And in God's amazing grace, at giving me happiness in this man I married. I have made tons of mistake over the years, I am not a model Christian, that religous churches would point at in pride. But He blessed me anyway.

This Holy of Holidays, I will take the time out to thank my Christ for all He did when He went to the cross to cover my sins! (And damn but there are a lot of them!) I will thank Him for bringing this most wonderful of men to head up my household, to love and help care for my, I mean OUR children. I pray God always gives me the strength to be the kind of wife this man deserves. This day that we call Easter, is the basis of Christianity. Without it, there would be no Christianity. He had to rise out of death to make it so. His message in life; To love one another. Christ's message is simple, He made it that children would understand it. It is men, who took His message, and made it their own tiny little government and empire. Man wrapped Christ's teachings and life up in technicalities, stipulations, and hoops to jump thru.

This Easter, I won't be attendng church. The Churches will be filled with honest people who love and honor their Christ. I might be dead wrong, but I cannot get past man turning His beautiful message, in what we know today as The Christian Church here in the United States.

If the Chrisitan Church brings Christ's believers true joy, and the love that He taught, it serves the purpose that it should. For myself, I pray to my God daily, I thank Him for His blessings often, and I try to show the love that Christ put into my heart, the day I consciously took Him as my Lord. I fail often, which is the reason that I need a Saviour. That we all need a Saviour.

Whatever your doing this holiest of holy Holidays, I wish you His peace, love and comfort in your lives. I pray that we all take a moment, to meditate on what He did when He willingly went to the cross for our sins. And rose from the grave 3 days later.

I wish everyone a happy and Blessed Easter.

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

Interview & Internet

Go over to Rachel's site and learn a few more facts, and thoughts about her. Rachel agreed to let me interview her, and she has posted her answers! I want to thank her for allowng me to pry a little into her personal life, and work on my interviewing skills.(Even though I cheated by having my husband who was a reporter for well over two decades, help me with the questions.) She is also conducting interviews to those who say that want to be interviewed in her comments.

I have spent a good portion of the morning and the late evening doing nothing but reading blogs! It is truly addictive, and takes conscious effort for me to tear myself away, to complete tasks I am expected to complete. So in my effort to be more aware of my priorities, I have posted the Twelve Step Internet Recovery Program, for your reading pleasure. I took this off of an e-mail joke site called The Mouthpeice e-mail address Some of these are far too famalier some days around here....

[m] b i t s . n . b o b s ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ TWELVE STEP INTERNET RECOVERY PROGRAM 1) I will have a cup of coffee in the morning and read my newspaper like I used to, before the Internet. 2) I will eat breakfast with a knife and fork and not with one hand typing. 3) I will get dressed before noon. 4) I will make an attempt to clean the house, wash clothes, and plan dinner before even thinking of the Internet. 5) I will sit down and write a letter to those unfortunate few friends and family that are Internet-deprived. 6) I will call someone on the phone who I cannot contact via the Internet. 7) I will read a book...if I still remember how. 8) I will listen to those around me and their needs and stop telling them to turn the TV down so I can hear the music on the Internet. 9) I will not be tempted during TV commercials to check for email. 10) I will try and get out of the house at least once a week, if it is necessary or not. 11) I will remember that my bank is not forgiving if I forget to balance my checkbook because I was too busy on the Inter- net. 12) Last, but not least, I will remember that I must go to bed sometime... and the Internet will always be there tomorrow! ____________________________________________________________
P - T - Q from the AZ Republic @

Prayer : Dear Lord, Please give us the wisdom and guidance to live our lives with joy and fulfillment. Amen.

Thought : Kindness consists in loving people more then they deserve. - Joseph Joubert, French Moralist (1754-1824)

Quip : If gas gets anymore expensive, we deserve to know the vintage and smell the cork.

DAILY GRIND french roast mixed with to do list.
Well tomorrow I have to behave myself and get more things done around my household. Which means cutting out some blogging time in the morning and during the day. Kids go back with their dad tomorrow evening, which means I can stay up late, reading until my hearts content.

I want to try and make appts. for Kevin to get a massage, while I get a facial on Saturday. Hopefully I didn't wait too long to make an appt. for Saturday. I think a little pampering would do him some good right now. And might just put us both in the mood for some romancing. Which ultimately is the goal to begin with. It's our week-end without the kids, which usually turns our attention in this direction to begin with.

On the to do list, get birthday gifts mailed out to my father and mother. Theirs are only two weeks apart, which makes shipping a little easier anyway. Also I need to work on gathering up and labeling photo's for photo blog. Grocery shop, and go to post office.

Bedtime is whispering my name. Actually that's my husband. But as it is 2:45 AM; the bed is looking very seductive. Well, that's my husband too, except I think it's due to the fact that he's half asleep, not that he's feeling amorous. At any rate, g'nite;-)

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

Friendship & Grieving

I have played catch-up today, and read a lot of my favorite blogs that I have missed while my girlfriend Delta was here for a visit. We had a wonderful time, catching up on each others lives, and running around. We did lots of shopping, at several different malls, and went out to Rawhide, a small touristy western town set up in Scottsdale. We also got an old time saloon girl photo done there. (Which I'll post in my photo blog eventually) Went out for a nice prime rib dinner at Houstons, dressed up in semi- formal evening attire. Somthing I think she enjoyed. As this is somthing we normally never did in the small redneck town we lived in, in WA state. It was a very special time, that I will treasure always.

Unfortunately, we also received some sad news during Delta's visit. Especially sad for my husband. His father passed away Friday night. Kevin's dad was 87, and had lost his wife to Alzheimers 4 years ago. Kevin and I have had many conversations about losing his mother, and in general losing ones parents. This in some ways did not come as a huge shock to Kevin, due to his father's age. But it was out of the blue. One night Kevin has his normal nightly call with his father, and the next he was lying in a hospital bed unconscious.

By Friday night, the DNR paperwork was in place, and they were ready to unplug the 7 machines that were working to keep Chet alive. The timing of his death coinciding with the story in the media right now, has had both my husband and I contemplating the nature of death, and what we would wish, should somthing happen to either of us unforseen.

The mercy I see that Chet provided for his eight children, was that he had his Do Not Resuscitate paperwork in order. Which spelled out exactly what his wishes were if he were to be incapacitated, and unable to express his wishes. This gift that Chet gave to his children, during their time of grief is unmeasurable, as we can see from the story that is playing out in the news.

My husband and his siblings are not, nor were they plagued by arguments of what to do for Chet, and what not to do. Without going into the gory details, between a massive stroke, and 2nd and 3rd degree burns, caused by falling in the shower, where he lay for over an hour, his chance for any quality of life in recovery were slim to nil. And basically he lay unresponsive in the hospital for 24 hours. But Chet had put his paperwork in order long before the unforseen happened.

Now my husband and his sibs can mourn the loss of their father, remember the wonderful things about him, without any guilt over what was done. No one made that decision but Chet.

My husband and I were up Friday night until 4:00 AM talking about his father, and his love and gratitude for all his father had done for him over the years. I hurt for my husband, and wanted so much to take this sadness away from him. And all I could do, was just be there and listen, and hold him. Grief is a part of life, we don't like it, but it is. In this case, Kevin sees the blessings in his father's long life. But he will miss him, and feel this ache for many months to come. I am just grateful that there was not any legal or famalial battles attached to this natural part of living and dying.

Rest in peace Chet. You left your legacy of 8 kids, who loved you dearly. And you are on to your heavenly rewards, joined by your wife, and one of your sons.

And for my part, I promise you Chet, and your wife Teresa, that I will take care of, and love your oldest son with all my heart. Doing all I can to bring joy, love, peace and comfort to his life until we both join you in Heaven.

And on that note, I urge everyone to either fill out a DNR and/or Living Will. The drama, the pain, confusion and grief, need not, and should not be played out in the courts of law, or within the government. These are personal decisions that should be handled long before they ever have a possiblity of being an issue.

I say a prayer of thanks, that Chet had had the wisdom to deal with this for his children.

Wednesday, March 16, 2005

Fun Quips on Moms and Dads

I thought these were halarious, in my morbid sense of humor way. Not that I would actually use any of them, but the thought has crossed my mind....usually just after the end of my patience with the rugrats, has been used up! And the life blood of me sucked dry, by those little darlin's I call my children! God bless em! ;-)

I'm really gonna miss my computer and blogs this next 4 days..... I'm hopin' Delta wants to shower twice a day. Although this may be hoping for too much. (In my best melodramatic flair and style) I'm going to miss you, all my fellow bloggers! Don't forget me...... (I truly mean this by the way)

Vacations With Mother and Father.
- - - -
Ocean Isle, NC, Summer 1984
MOTHER: Don't you boys run down the hall like that. Someone could open a door, pull you in, and have your stomachs cut open before I even knew you were missing.
(My brother and I blink blankly.)
MOTHER: Let me tell you about Adam Walsh.
- - - -
Sunset Beach, NC, Summer 1982
FATHER: If you don't turn around and clean your plate, Norman Bates's mother will come. Right to that window behind you. No, don't turn around. You have to sit with your back to the window. Come on. Eggs only get worse the colder they get. Do you want some Worcestershire sauce on them?
- - - -
Iowa City, IA, Spring 1983
MOTHER: No, you can't go down to the pool by yourselves. Do you know who Charles Manson is?
(My brother and I try not to look at her.)
MOTHER: Let me tell you about Sharon Tate.
- - - -
Bowling Green, KY, 1981
ME: (Pointing to underside of mushroom.) What's that?
FATHER: Oh, that's how mushrooms eat people. They suck you through there and you get sliced up.
(I push the plate away.)
FATHER: No, no. Africans don't get to decide what pizza they will eat and what pizza they won't eat. Plus, mushrooms are poisonous if cold.
- - - -
Land Between the Lakes, KY, 1987
MOTHER: Boys, boys! Don't you get into the hot tub. Did you just see that man that got out? Those places on his skin—AIDS.
- - - -
Philadelphia, PA, 1985
FATHER: (Taking my arm.) I don't know what it is. It looks like the start of what the Elephant Man had. You remember when we watched that movie? You haven't been drinking milk, have you?
- - - -
Boston, MA, 1987
MOTHER: If you don't wear suntan lotion, your skin will rot off like that dog's that we saw by the side of the road.
- - - -
Danville, KY, 1984
MOTHER: Say goodbye, children. Your father is leaving for a business trip.
ME: On Christmas Eve?
FATHER: That's right. Just a business trip. We are not getting divorced.
MOTHER: (Sigh.)
- - - -
Fort Meyers, FL, 1987
MOTHER: (To my stepfather.) Don't you realize that the children are going to have to deal with anti-Semitism their whole lives?
ME: (Interrupting.) I thought we were Presbyterian.
MOTHER: No, you're Jewish. At least as far as most people are concerned.
- - - -
Danville, KY, 1982
FATHER: Here, I have a friend I want you to meet.
ME: It's dark.
FATHER: Just stick out your hand.
(I stick my hand out and take something in it. Father switches on the lights. It is a skeleton's hand that I am holding. My brother runs off down the hall.)
FATHER: Look, it's my friend Slim.
- - - -
London, KY, 1987
MOTHER: Boys, I don't want you all getting salad. Do you see that man getting the crouton? Let me tell you about his earring. You don't want those croutons. Trust me.
- - - -
Danville, KY, 1982
FATHER: Do you see anything in the water there?
ME: (Pointing at my brother.) Daddy!
FATHER: No, the Creature from the Black Lagoon has him now. We just have to try to go about our lives as best we can. Come on.

- - - -Vacations With Mother and Father By David Connerley Nahm

Amped Up & Neurotic

It's 1:45 AM, and I have headed to bed a few different times, and not made it there. Picking up after two kids who are out on Spring Break, and expecting my girlfriend Delta, from WA state tomorrow! It's not tht I'm nervous, we have been friends for eons and ages. Neurotic would be a better word for it.

I did get her guestroom slash office cleaned up and ready for her to inhabit. Except for the perpetual mess that is always on the computer desk. Latest fashion catalog, ash tray,ink pens, cigarettes, coffee mug or a plastic red cup, you know the kind that used to always be at (and I know I'm spelling this wrong) Kegers!

Kegers being the term we used in the early 80's for beer parties, usually held in the boonies somewhere, where underage drinking did not present a problem. Not that I ever drank beer! Which my father has argued, disqualifies my redneck status. It was always wine. In the early days, it was Cella Lambrusco. That ended after one really BAD night of too much Cella Lambrusco. It is not half as appealing coming back up as it was going down. Then it was on to Vodka. Clean, clear Vodka. Anyway, where was I? The mess on the desk. Won't be cleaned up, until mid afternoon tomorrow. When I will be giving up my computer until monday morning.

This will cause some withdrawal symptoms. The computer, blog reading, it is part of my morning routine. It is my relaxing moments away from life. And I will be going without, until monday.

I know I will be busy visiting, and showing Delta around the desert. But computer for over 4 days? Should be interesting. I will miss reading all my favorite blogs. Well, I should try and lay down again...the hubby just popped out wondering where I was, and offered to snuggle if I would come back to bed. Hard offer to refuse.

Monday, March 14, 2005

Interviews & Other Stuff

I finally got Brat's interview questions to her, to post on her blog, and answer. This from a game that trails around the blogs. I answered the questions from Sis at and she in turn answered interview questions from Andrea at . and so on and so on and so on.... So you can check out Brat's thoughtful and intellegent answers to my thought provoking questions by going to her site. But as I was preparing to write this, I was thinking that I wasn't quite satisfied with just interviewing ONE person. (Reporter wanna be? maybe) So I am asking readers who may unwittingly stumble onto this site, to put in the comment section, "OK, you can interview me, if you'll shut the hell up about it!" Make sure you leave behind an e-mail for me to send your 5 interview questions to. (a bonus one as well, if I can't make up my mind on just 5) You don't have to be brave, if it's too personal to answer, just e-mail me back, "That's too Ef-ing personal", with which # it was, and I'll send a replacement question. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE. I wanna interview some more! And once I've sent you questions, you can paste onto your site with the answers. My goal? is to interview a total of 5

Also, if someone out there from blogger knows the secret to un-doing the bold print, after you have used it for the just one or two words you wanted it for, please feel free to leave me a comment explaining HOW to turn the damn thing off.

Hey, it went off! I don't know how still, (hehehehehe, yes, I'm duly embarassed right now) so someone feel free to feel superior, and explain it to me:-)

I could very easily go into how the only way to learn new things, is to jump in there and try them. And that the only real failure is in not trying, but that might sound a wee bit defensive. And as I have already been told in my comments, that I am a tad over the edge, I'll refrain from sounding defensive. (I'm still not sure what a tad over the edge means, but I have been called worse)

Now for the P - T - Q (Prayer, thought and quip) Brought to you by The Arizona Repbulic, which can be accessed at

Lord, let us remember to thank you at the close of each day for having watched over us, walked with us and helped us through our difficulties. Amen.

"Nothing great in the world has been accomplished without passion." -George Wilheim Friedrich Hegel, German philosopher (1770-1831)

Tact: the art of speaking your mind in such a way, that you're long gone by the time that they figure out what you mean't.

So be brave, and go to the comments, and ask me to interview you. I need four more to meet my goal. You will have done your good deed, for the day;-)

Sunday, March 13, 2005

A Pimpin' we will go!

I know, corny as hell title, but that is just a little of my personality shining thru! That, and many exclamation points. I used to think that was poor writing, but if you get to know me, that's how I talk too. With melodramtic exclamation points! And some would say, and have said, with many verbose banalities. This is how I am, even in verbal conversation. And this is, my diary, so to speak. So what one might mistake as poor writing with so many verbose bananlities, is truly part of me. Not for everyone, I am more then willing to acknowledge.

But I miss my point, even before I get started here. This post is specifically to share blogs I read, and love, and look forward to posts on a daily basis. To the point of checking their blogs compulsively, hoping for a new post. It's not ALL inclusive, just a few. (Which shows you how much time I have on my hands)

To start with, I seem to never be able to pimp a few new ones, without throwing in this one! The writing in this blog, in my opinion is beyond compare. His wide range of capabilities, his talented writing, never cease to amaze me. He is extremely funny, making me laugh often in one of his posts. And in the next, he could have me tearing up, choked up, and full of emotion. And in my opinion, this is what writing is all about. Brandon, at One Child Left Behind really is worth the read every single post! If you haven't checked him out yet, do! You're missing out.

Next, is one I call my "guilty pleasure."He is drop dead halarious!! His humor is: self deprecating, gross!, dirty, disgusting at times, full of obscenities, and HE has me laughing till my stomache hurts. This blog, NOT for the easily offended, or even those who find themselves on occasion MILDLY offended. But his writing is top notch, he tells a story you emerse yourself in, and he appeals to my dirty sense of humor almost every post. Jason, is worth reading, when you need a real sick laugh!

Jade, now I love readng all her posts. She has a variety on her site. She shares openly about her life, and her family. As well as having a photo album, to put faces to her players on her blog. She has fun informative posts. She is someone I would actually like to meet, and share a lunch with on occasion. She is also getting married today, and I wish her the absolute best, that married life has to offer. Considers herself a redneck, and a bitch, which leaves me feeling an affinity with her. And I know other bitches out there, know what I'm sayin'.

Rachel puts the fabulous, and CLASS in the term bitch! She also brings the talent too! I go to her site numerous times in a day. As she post sometimes several times in one day. Her site, will feature a quiz now and then, she asks her readers to share on occasion, she vents with the open honesty of a first class bitch, and then her next post will convey an open tenderness and love for her husband that is honest and real, to the point that commenting almost feels like you're intruding on a private moment between husband and wife. I LOVE IT! Rachel and her husband Gary are a fun duet featured thru her posts and comments periodically. I know this is long, but stay with me. Rachel is also a very talented web designer, one of which I am proud to say, I am having design this one, to give it her special touch, and bring it a more interesting look, and feel.
She hosts sites (she will be hosting my photo blog soon as well.) works with blogexplosion, and heads up THE bitches club too. A side note; I don't think she sleeps. Cuz I certainly don't see where she would have the time to. She is part of a group of women, that is under the category of military wives lives, that gives you a peek into what life is for the wives of our military men on base. One more side note; Rachel is real. If your offended by some occasional swearing, her site may not be for you.(But then you're here, so it shouldn't be a problem) But for proud bitches everywhere, she is a must see! Yep! I like going here, and often.

The defeatist, an enigma to be sure. And a bit of a mystery and puzzle that has you wanting to figure him out. An educated man, with a few problems connecting with the opposite sex. He speaks openly, and he draws you in with his excellent writing, and storytelling. I look for a new post everyday. And am waiting patiently (OK, not so patiently) for his part two of Blind Date #2.
I keep coming back, to his writing, when I think of his site. Well worth going to for a daily read. It's opening a book, of well done short stories with a conundrum.

And last, but far from least of this months featured blogs, is Jay. An extraordinary, intellegent young woman, whose love for writing is evident in each and every post. I haven't been reading her very long, but do find mysef drawn to read each of her daily posts. With a strong awareness of social problems facing young people, she writes with compassion and intellegence. With a tongue in cheek sense of humor, she writes of different current events, and brings some laughter to each of them. She also writes of her personal life, and her feelings, periodically with a humorous tone, others in all seriousness. Occasionally snarky, and at times I don't always agree with her stand points. (Or possibly I just don't "get her") But I am always drawn to read her excellent writing.

This concludes my list of reads for the month. At times my love for reading other blogs hinders my ability to produce more posts here in my own blog. But if you have a gander at some of these, it is evident as to why I am reading versus posting. Enjoy your Sunday! :-)

Wednesday, March 09, 2005

Spring Cleaning With Purpose

Excited and stressed, I write out my list of things to do with purpose, and a deadline attached to it this year. And by "it" I mean spring cleaning. My girlfriend Delta, from WA who I have known for what, 17 yrs. is coming to stay a few days next week.

As I look around to tally the chores that absolutely have to be done, before her long awaited visit, I am becoming a little overwhelmed. My training, and 10 yrs. of working in a hospital pharmacy, mixing IV's where strile technique is EVERYTHING, has me conscious of all the unseen germs, that I would never want to subject a houseguest to. Let alone my longtime friend, and confidante. So kitchen cleanliness, and bathroom sterility, are a give. Clutter, on the other hand, is a whole different matter. What I'm trying to admit, and not very easily, is I suck at housekeeping.

I AM a perfectionist, although if you entered my home, you probably wouldn't think so. The problem is, if I don't have the time to do it to perfection (or I don't FEEL like doing it to perfection) it doesn't get done. (Or my wonderful husband does it, in his not quite perfectionistic way.) Although who am I to bitch, since I didn't do it to begin with.

And now my girlfriend from years gone by, is coming to stay with me. As I look around the office slash guestroom, I'm reminded of my penchant for clutter, and saving/keeping everything. Damn do I have my work cut out for me. I want Delta to feel at home, so I have to at the very least, douche this room, and the kids slash guest bathroom.

Delta and I go back a long way. We know each others ugly secrets, cuz some of them, we shared together. We have seen each other thru marraiges, divorces, raising kids, household moves, emotional traumas, many many late into the evening parties, dead end jobs, and we have even been house room mates, with our then two kids.

I met Delta in the infamous 80's, right before she was about to marry her live-in boyfriend. We met, when I started hanging out at the restaurant/bar where she was working as a waitress. Whenever I came in, she always greeted me with such enthusiasm, and remembered my name after my first visit.

I would come into the restaurant in the evening after the dinner crowd, and sit up at the breakfast bar for a few hours. Sometimes to eat, most times to have a few drinks. I was at the time, having a tawdry affair with a guy who was moolighting as their cook a few nights a week. ( He was a restaurant equpment salesperson by day) So she soon became my confidante, for my misdeeds. This "misdeed" lasted off and on for well over a decade. Not one of my better moments, or two, or three...

Soon, when her marraige had hit the skids, (NOT by any misdeeds on her part) we started slumming together. Delta is a beautiful dark haired, Lt. olive skinned feisty Italian. And she knew how to party and have a good time. And a good time we had.

Our friendship evolved from there. And we have a lot of shared memories, some of which I may go into at a later date. One of our memories, that we share a laugh over even now from time to time, was when we were living together, with our two children. My son Robby was a year younger then her daughter Jan. We worked together, taking turns dropping and picking our kids up from school. This gave us both a little freedom for a social life, besides our jobs. It enabled her to stay out later after work, to see her then boyfriend. And allowed me the same freedom on other nights to go out and see the uhhh gentleman I was seeing at the time. OK, he was a drummer in a bar room circuit band. (Nightclubs WERE big in the 80's) I'm off topic.

At any rate one morning it was my turn to take the kids to school. The only problem was, I had been up until 4:00 AM partying, and was hung the hell way over! I had taught Robby early on how to set HIS alarm, get up, fix his cereal, get dressed, brush teeth, and THEN wake me up, to take him into school. Jan on the other hand was a bit more pampered in her morning routine. (as it should be, by the way) Or maybe she just needed more guidance. But I groggily set her to work taking care of the details of getting ready. She came in where I was half dozing, and asked if "this dress", which was on her, "was OK to wear to school." I may or may not have actually looked at her. As just her speaking, made my head pound like my drummer boys drums in a solo!

Somehow I managed to rise, throw some clothes on and get the kids to school. Soon there after I headed off to work. A few hours later, I get a call at work, and its Delta. seems Jan fell down at school and skinned her knee up, and I think ripped her "dress." So Delta had to go pick her up. I had in my foggy state sent Jan to school in her slip. (It looked like a sun dress to me???) Jan, a 21 year old mother herself now, still chides me and laughs about it. At the time, I don't think Delta found it quite so humorous.

Our friendship has changed dramatically over the years. As we aged, grew, evolved, whatever you wanna call it, so did our friendship. I do know after my daughter was born, and we had completely cleaned up our acts, to the point of not being recognizable from our days in the 80's; Delta was there for me in a HUGE way.

My daughter was born in November of 93, and from the minute she came out of me, she screamed with such a loud, intense cry, she drove anyone around her, away. Except of course for me and her father. We had no choice but to stick it out. Tayler screamed, approximately 20 hours per day. A deafening, pained inconsolable scream. What we didn't realize then, or figure out for two and a half months of this, was that she had severe acid reflux. Everytime she ate, and then was layed down, her pain was horrid. Rick and I during these couple of months, played tag team with the baby. We never saw each other, as the minute he got home, I would hand Tayler off to him, and leave the premises for a few hours, as when he would go to bed, I was "back on shift."

Where I went, during these completely sleep deprived, traumatizing months, was Delta's house. She would let me basically come over, sit on her couch, and chain smoke. Some nights, we wouldn't even talk, just stare at the TV. Some nights I would be such an emotional wreck, that she would make me this very tasty white chocolate cappucino, and serve it to me in her white china cups and saucers. Don't ask me why, but this made me feel pampered and taken care of. At a time that I couldn't think straight. She never tried to "fix" my problems, she knew she couldn't. She was just there for me. And basically allowed me to meld into her family those few hours EVERY evening.

I have to say, this was one of the most harrowing times of my life. Having this brand new baby, that not only was I not able to bond with, I wasn't able to even comfort. I didn't allow myself much time to really emerse myself in these thoughts, and neither did Delta. It was what it was, and I needed all my strength and patience, to get thru it.

We did eventually figure out the problem, but not before I spent a small fortune, on every type of gimmick "garaunteed" to cure colic. Contraptions you strapped to the bottom of the crib, that vibrated, having her sleep at an angle on a wedge, mylecon drops (for gas) 20 different formulas, running the vacumm cleaner for hours (this actually worked part of the time) and many things I can't even think of now. We saw a few diffferent doctors, I even took this newborn baby to a chiropractor. I was desperate.

Finally, we had heard thru another pharmacist at work, who had heard from a hairdresser, about this severe form of reflux, and how Zantac drops all but cured it. We went back to the doc. armed with this imformation, and her reply, bascially was what the hell, whada we got to lose. From the very first dose, Tayler's crying diminished to a measley 4 hours per night. She still had colic, but after the 20 hours a day for 2 and a half months, this was a walk in the park.

So this Delta memory, probably above all else, stands out in my mind. She was there for me, stood by me, when I was closer to emotionally snapping, then any other time in my life. I will be forever grateful to her for this. And now, after being away from WA for 4 yrs, she is coming to stay with me. I want to roll out the red carpet, ensure that this part of her vacation is FUN with a capital F. And to start, I need to get her bedroom clean.

Sunday, March 06, 2005

Married Playtime

Oh what a week-end! This is not usually my week-end w/o the kids, but I got the X to trade me a few days, so I ended up w/Friday and Saturday day and night alone with my lover! Flipping from mommy dearest over to hot, sexy passionate lover, takes some conscious effort, but is well worth it! and for some reason, the fact that it was not my scheduled week-end to be able to play, made it that much more wicked and fun.

Although Friday was much more low-keyed then Saturday night, we had a wonderful time together with the hot tub, and chatting and even just watchig TV sans kids. We ended up staying up until 3:00 AM. Although admittedly,we were both dozing off and on for the last hour of being up. But even that was satsifying, dozing side by side on our recliner chairs that are actually part of the couch.

Saturday, well saturday was out of the ordinary good times. We had the "prom" (Tempe Governors Ball) to go to, so some of saturday was just devoted to preparations. Picking up the new platinum vest for his tux, and getting my hair done into an "up-do", and last minute shopping, which also consisted of two throw away cameras, for the naughty part of the evening.

Tonights after hour party was some play acting (I always wanted to be one of those actress slash model types, well at least once in a while) So with TWO cameras in hand, and dressing for an ultra formal, swanky dinner dance at one of Phoenix's nice resorts, we were gonna have a little outta the ordinary fun, playing photographer/model. With each getting the opportunity to play the model and the photographer. A little weird? Yes. So? Made for some great foreplay! And a lot of giggling.

Dinner was nothing short of magnificent at the South Pointe Mountain Resort. From the salad, to the fillet mignon, to the desert, which I didn't even know the name of. All the food here was almost too pretty to eat. (I know, my redneck roots are showing. But I think that fact lends itself to my enjoying myself WAY more then those who consider themselves metro sophisticates, who are well schooled in gourmet dining.)

The band, was more the size of a small orchestra, and did play some fun songs for dancing(Minus the one that was hubby and HIS X-wifes wedding song. I didn't let that phase me, or put a damper on the mood for too long) The only problem being is damn it I really like THIER song. Billy Joel's I love you just the way you are. Hell, we were dancing half way thru the song, having a good time before I realized which song it was. Well, that is the drawback in late in life love. All of the baggage, or X's we both drag into our lives. Being that since my baggage adds up to a steam trunk, I really don't have much reason to complain.

The evening turned out wonderful. There were just a couple of tiny snags. The first being while getting ready for the evening. My dress, that I had only tried on once in the store, while not wearing any make-up and not the least bit concerned about messing my hair, proved to be a maze. Getting into that took both myself and my husband struggling for 15 minutes.
It is backless, sort of. With straps criss crossing all over the place, that actually were tied into the straps that went over my shoulders. It was also fairly form fitting at the waist and hips area, which made it damn near impossible, well impossible to step into. It had to go over my head. Over my head with the up-do, that took an hour for a professional to put together. Over my head, that had my meticulously applied make up completed, and perfect. Now, I had to drag this floor length dress with long ass straps over it, without getting make up on the dress or screwing up the up do.

We got it basically almost over my head, although I felt my hair pull a little, I was more conscious of make up smearing the front of the dress.The dress being kinda a bright, light blue, the make-up woulda stood out blatantly. And then the dress got stuck. With my arms straight up in the air, the dress was too tight trying to pull down the rest of the way.(We didn't want to completely loosen the straps, because we would never figure out the puzzle of putting them back correctly. There was a few shits! and fuck! being said on both of our parts. But my wonderfully metro- sexual husband, with his style and flair figured it out much quicker then I would have been able to. I think at one point I yelled somthing about not going and burning that fucking dress! Patience is not a virtue I have much time for. We did finally get it on. But when I glanced in the mirror my "up do", was no longer completely up. I did fix that with a minimal amount of time and effort. We both felt a little undone after all the effort put in to making me look and feel glamorous enough for the festivities. I reminded him, that as women age, it takes longer and longer for us to reach that state of glamour.

We were more then ready for that first glass of champagne, by the time we pulled upfront of the resort. And we bee-lined it to one of the waiters carrying trays of champagne flutes. Our first glass was empty within 10 minutes. By half an hour, I had had 3 glasses of champagne, and the hubby had switched to gin and tonic. (Which I limited him to two, with the threat that I would be driving home, if he had more then that.) We both had a pleasant buzz going on by the time we made it over to the rows of tables holding the silent auction goodies. And I watched in slight amazement as he headed down each table writing our #, 204 over a good third of all items up for auction. I gently reminded him of what happened at the Desert Botanical Gardens Silent Auction, when he had assumed then, that he would naturally be outbid, on most if not all of the items. (We walked out with close to $300.00 worth of cactus. Yes, cactus!)

It was only a gentle reminder, and I was actually slightly amused as well. He had just received his bonus from work. Far be it for me, to say hey, slow down. Especially when half of the items he was bidding on would have directly benefitted me. (The day spa gift certificates, and that digital camera, that I had said I wanted to get a month ago. Of course I would have to learn how to use it first) So when he wanted to bid on the new tux, I was all for it! (hehehehe)

We were then seated at dinner, where he then had a few glasses of wine with the food as well. We checked on our bids, well just a select few, where if we were outbid, we wrote down another bid, and then went and danced a little. The end of the night was drawing near, and they had closed the bidding just minutes after our last foray around the tables. So we went to the cashier to see if we had actually "won" any of the bids. (hehehehehe) She said emphatically, "Oh, yes sir! You "won" quite a few actually!" So one $800.00 debit transaction later, we walked out with all of our loot. Him in shock, and admittedly me giggling softly.(Yes, I know, I'm a bitch)

We had the rest of the evening planned out precisely, but it had not included going thru a huge gift basket full of salon hair products, and around 7 gift certificate envelopes, and looking at my brand new digital camera! And yes, he also got the new tux envelope as well. We adjusted the plans. And I made him feel good, when I suggested he gets the massage from the day spa, and I'll get the facial while he does that next Saturday. There were a lot of great goodies. But I can name 25 other things that would have been considered priorities over all of these non priority items that we "purchased."

We then proceeded to model/photography games that lasted for a good part of the evening. (And no none of the pics were pornographic in nature, just hamming it up, playing sexy and flirting, in various array of dress, but well covered. These photo's WERE going to Kits in the mall to be developed. It was a fun, lighthearted adults only evening! I'll remember it for a long time to come.

We took cameras in to get developed today, in one hour. And then shopped around the mall and had a bite to eat. (With the kids, as their father did drop them off at 6:00 AM this morning on his way in to work) I couldn't wait to see the results of our photo session! When I went in to pick them up after we ate, the technician asked me if I wanted to buy the print that has the complete set of pics on it, for each of the cameras. I said yes, and wondered why he asked me in such low tones, with a conspiratorial look on his face. Was he flirting with me?? I was a little taken aback, as he was YOUNG. Gee, maybe I still "got it" after all....

We went home onto the back patio, and the kids gathered around to look at them to. None were blatant, so I didn't have a problem with them seeing them. The spawn was standing next to me looking over my shoulder, and both kids were laughing at our apparent attempt to look hot. With the how rediculous is this look on thier face. After all mom and Kevin are OLD. All was fine, going thru them, until the one. We were a little buzzed, and tired while playing, but not that bad. The velour long blouse I was sexing it up in, was only unbuttoned half way down. But there dead on with me looking straight into the camera, was my right, completely bared breast, also looking dead on straight into the camera!(Janet Jackson has nothing on me.) Riley the little Satans Spawn busted up laughing! Tayler just let out a disgusted "Ewwww." And I was mortified! If I wanted pics. like that, I have a polaroid camera for those ocassions! And a secret hiding place to put all said pics. Not out in the open looking at them with my family gathered round.

And then flashing before my eyes was the conspiratorial look of the photo tech. and his low voice tones, asking me if I wanted the master of all pics, on the roll. He wasn't flirting at all! He was, embarassed for me?? Oh geeze. I was embarassed, and none to happy with Kevin. I do remember at one point looking down and seeing my shirt gaping open, and asking and making sure he hadn't take one like that. He assured me he hadn't. And I know he wouldn't do that on purpose, as he is definitely more conservative then I am about MY breasts, and who sees them.

I was feeling a little sick, when he grabbed it and put it out of sight in his sweat pant pocket. And Riley realizing I didn't feel good about it did his best to make me feel better. By telling me, "Mom it isn't that bad, it just looked like a flower." I didn't ask my 9 yr old to elaborate, as I really don't want to know what he mean't by that. They all enjoyed the laugh, and we completely moved on to other things.

Overall, it was a wonderful week-end. I do have the kids a few of the days this week, for the trade with the X. But after the fun I enjoyed with my lover slash husband, it will be more then a pleasure taking care of, and spending time with my kids. We had a relaxing, low keyed good day with the kids. And I gave Tayler a manicure, and painted her nails, and took them to the school playround to enjoy some frssh air, and the playground equipment. It was a memorable mix, of family time, and adults only time. I couldn't ask for more out of a week-end. Well, except for the wardrobe malufunction, that is.

Friday, March 04, 2005

Interview Questions

Sis answered some interview questions, from Andrea And then suggested that anyone who wouldn't mind being "interviewed" say so in her comments. I didn't mind, so I stepped up to bat. (I love to play!)

Anyway, here are her questions, and my answers.

1. What is your fondest teenage memory?
I would have to say, my High School graduation party that my parents thru for me. They had invited our whole church (it was a fairly small, close knit church) and our church had a small band, whom I loved listening to. They set up in my parents (very big!) livingroom and performed for the party. I was dating a popular, good looking college guy, and he came as well as my girlfriends. I would have to say, that during those moments, I felt special, and loved. This actually ties with getting the lead role in the school play my Senior year.

2. If you could turn back time, where would you put yourself? why??
I would turn back time, to right after High School, and would have gotten either a journalism or English degree. Instead I took a position as an ass't mgr. of a clothing store. I was determined to "start my life" get my own apt., etc. And why? I believe getting a degree is imperative to kids today, when entering the work force. I just wish I had done it, even if I chose to work only part time, or like now, not at all. It would have been the "good example" for my children, whom I have tried to teach college is a given, not a decision to make.

3. Suppose you believe in past lives,.... who do you think you might have been?? why??
Well now, that's a fun one Sis! Umm, I would have to say a psychologist.
why? Because I over analyze absolutely EVERYTHING!

4. What one thing do you most want to do before you die?
Get, and see my kids raised, outta college, and on their way to happy lives. I would also like to hold grandbabies in my arms someday! (I know, that's two, couldn't help it)

5. Where do you see yourself in 10 years?
Encouraging and exhorting my kids as they enter into college. And enjoying my husband, on lots of road trips, and cruises. (Pretty shallow huh?) Well I AM 41 (but feel more like 50)

Well Sis! Those were some great questions! And they made me think, and remember. Now I want to extend the same invitation. If you don't mind, and would like to be interviewed, this time by yours truly, put a comment in that says I want to be interviewed. And I will send you 5 questions to post on your blog, with your answers.

Thursday, March 03, 2005

It Takes Two Dads...

Tayler knocked on our bedroom door as my hubby and I were discussing his day at work.

Tayler: Mom, dad wants to talk to you.
Me: OK, Tay. Hello?
Rick: Hi Tamber. Tayler's D string on her violin broke, and she has a concert tomorrow. You need to run the violin to the music store and have them re-string it before the concert. The sotre closes in 15 minutes, and there is no way I can get there.

So began the conversation, that ended with directions to the music store. And then finding out her concert was at 9:00 AM. (More of a competition between schools) Her dad then said, "Sorry Tayler, you're screwed." (No letting her down easy)

Tayler had her back to me, and was crying big crocdile tears, while still on the phone with her dad. The string had broke while she was diligently practicing in her room for the big day. (Which is today) Those tears were all I needed. I asked to talk to Rick again. And said if we can find a music store, I will run it over as soon as I drop the kids at school, and wait while they re-string it, and run it back to Tayler before 9:00 AM. He said he was going to call the store, and see when they open in the morning, and give me a call back.

He called me back, saying he had found a new string for it, at his house, and he would be right over in 15 minutes or so. In the meantime, Kevin yelled," Dinner kids! Tayler, dinner is on." So I dragged Tayler to the dinner table covered in tears, and had her sit down to eat. We lifted the dinner prayer up, as well as my silent one for God to somehow fix this mess, so that my daughter wouldn't be disappointed. And then I launched into the "We all face disappointments in life Tayler. Things we can do nothing about. We have to make the best of the situation." All the while silently praying for an outta the hat, teensy eentsy weensty miracle from above.

After dinner Rick showed up, and went to work trying to put on that string. No go. He doesn't play the violin, I don't play the violin. And step-dad, doesn't play the violin. About that time the phone rang, I looked at the caller I.D. My brother's house in WA state. He is keeping me informed on Kathy's illness, and their family. I know I have to pick it up. But hesitate, if it's my sis-in-law, she will want to have a leisurely chat. And now, well now just isn't the time for me to check out of this situation, but I don't dare not take the call, with Kathy doing so poorly.

I apoliogize to the X, and to Kevin. And say I have to take this, it's about Kathy. Around then I hear Kevin yell for Riley, that it's time to read to him. And then some more calm arguing with the "spawn" that he has to get off of the X-box. I say in to the phone, "Hello"? Extremly scare fo what words may come over the receiver. It is my sis-in-law, Trish, very cheerfully saying "Hey Tamber! How's it going?" I warily deduce that Kathy has not died, or near death, as Trish would not be so bubbly. My immediate releif is replaced with trepidation,as I realize, it is not going to be easy, to get Trish OFF of the phone.

About that time, the X asks for the yellow pages, to hunt for another music store with an Emeregency Dept. to take the sick violin to. Kevin then runs up hearing this and whispers in my ear, "Why doesn't he just hop on the computer, and hunt for one?" We locate the yellow pages, basically with me ignoring Kevin's comment, so as to not insult the X, all the while with Trish hanging on the phone, happily chattering away. Then the "spawn" starts reading to Kevin, the ever vigilant step-dad. Who I often end up depending on the keep the routine in place, no matter what may be happening around us.

There is far too much going on, with the chattering in my ear, and the X trying to figure out, where to take the violin to, (he couldn't get the string on) and the spawn reading to Kevin. So I disappear into the bedroom to finish up the call with Trish. Who had just come from a visit at Kathy's house, and reports that the flowers I sent were beautiful! I am glad to hear that, as I am not going to call Kathy to ask about them. Their plate is more then full dealing with her cancer. So I was glad to hear from Trish, that they had indeed arrived.

Trish continued to chatter on, about each family member, and what is going on with them. Unfortunately most of what Trish likes to say is negative. And always manages to put me on the defense, and on edge. (More on Trish another day.) In the meantime Kevin keeps popping his head in to see when I'll be off of the phone.

I re-emerge to find the X has solved the problem with the violin, and the homework is complete with the spawn, thanks to Kevin. As I survey the scene, of the X with Tayler, and Kevin with Riley, all gathered in the livingroom, I cannot help but think, what a strange and unique family we are. Two dads, working earnestly, and with all sincerety, to ensure that these two beautiful children, grow up well adjusted, happy, and healthy.

I am humbled at God's Grace, towards me, my children and their two fathers. He takes a situation, of a broken family, and puts it back together, so delicately. These two men leave me speechless. The X, whom I was never able to put a healthy relationship together with, but who loves his children with everything in him. My husband, (and best friend) who loves me so much, that he puts aside all male ego emotions, to work not just with me, but with my X, to ensure that these kids get all, that all of us have to give.

I couldn't ask for a better husband. I couldn't ask for a better X husband. They love these children more then enough, to put aside their feelings about each other's position in my life, to make this a family. I observe our family, with awe, and with more peace, then I ever imagined I could, when going thru a divorce, that split these kids' world in half. The night ended much more peacefully then it began. And not by the help of a village, but in our case, the help of two dads.

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