Stumbling thru life w/Grace

Thursday, March 03, 2005

It Takes Two Dads...

Tayler knocked on our bedroom door as my hubby and I were discussing his day at work.

Tayler: Mom, dad wants to talk to you.
Me: OK, Tay. Hello?
Rick: Hi Tamber. Tayler's D string on her violin broke, and she has a concert tomorrow. You need to run the violin to the music store and have them re-string it before the concert. The sotre closes in 15 minutes, and there is no way I can get there.

So began the conversation, that ended with directions to the music store. And then finding out her concert was at 9:00 AM. (More of a competition between schools) Her dad then said, "Sorry Tayler, you're screwed." (No letting her down easy)

Tayler had her back to me, and was crying big crocdile tears, while still on the phone with her dad. The string had broke while she was diligently practicing in her room for the big day. (Which is today) Those tears were all I needed. I asked to talk to Rick again. And said if we can find a music store, I will run it over as soon as I drop the kids at school, and wait while they re-string it, and run it back to Tayler before 9:00 AM. He said he was going to call the store, and see when they open in the morning, and give me a call back.

He called me back, saying he had found a new string for it, at his house, and he would be right over in 15 minutes or so. In the meantime, Kevin yelled," Dinner kids! Tayler, dinner is on." So I dragged Tayler to the dinner table covered in tears, and had her sit down to eat. We lifted the dinner prayer up, as well as my silent one for God to somehow fix this mess, so that my daughter wouldn't be disappointed. And then I launched into the "We all face disappointments in life Tayler. Things we can do nothing about. We have to make the best of the situation." All the while silently praying for an outta the hat, teensy eentsy weensty miracle from above.

After dinner Rick showed up, and went to work trying to put on that string. No go. He doesn't play the violin, I don't play the violin. And step-dad, doesn't play the violin. About that time the phone rang, I looked at the caller I.D. My brother's house in WA state. He is keeping me informed on Kathy's illness, and their family. I know I have to pick it up. But hesitate, if it's my sis-in-law, she will want to have a leisurely chat. And now, well now just isn't the time for me to check out of this situation, but I don't dare not take the call, with Kathy doing so poorly.

I apoliogize to the X, and to Kevin. And say I have to take this, it's about Kathy. Around then I hear Kevin yell for Riley, that it's time to read to him. And then some more calm arguing with the "spawn" that he has to get off of the X-box. I say in to the phone, "Hello"? Extremly scare fo what words may come over the receiver. It is my sis-in-law, Trish, very cheerfully saying "Hey Tamber! How's it going?" I warily deduce that Kathy has not died, or near death, as Trish would not be so bubbly. My immediate releif is replaced with trepidation,as I realize, it is not going to be easy, to get Trish OFF of the phone.

About that time, the X asks for the yellow pages, to hunt for another music store with an Emeregency Dept. to take the sick violin to. Kevin then runs up hearing this and whispers in my ear, "Why doesn't he just hop on the computer, and hunt for one?" We locate the yellow pages, basically with me ignoring Kevin's comment, so as to not insult the X, all the while with Trish hanging on the phone, happily chattering away. Then the "spawn" starts reading to Kevin, the ever vigilant step-dad. Who I often end up depending on the keep the routine in place, no matter what may be happening around us.

There is far too much going on, with the chattering in my ear, and the X trying to figure out, where to take the violin to, (he couldn't get the string on) and the spawn reading to Kevin. So I disappear into the bedroom to finish up the call with Trish. Who had just come from a visit at Kathy's house, and reports that the flowers I sent were beautiful! I am glad to hear that, as I am not going to call Kathy to ask about them. Their plate is more then full dealing with her cancer. So I was glad to hear from Trish, that they had indeed arrived.

Trish continued to chatter on, about each family member, and what is going on with them. Unfortunately most of what Trish likes to say is negative. And always manages to put me on the defense, and on edge. (More on Trish another day.) In the meantime Kevin keeps popping his head in to see when I'll be off of the phone.

I re-emerge to find the X has solved the problem with the violin, and the homework is complete with the spawn, thanks to Kevin. As I survey the scene, of the X with Tayler, and Kevin with Riley, all gathered in the livingroom, I cannot help but think, what a strange and unique family we are. Two dads, working earnestly, and with all sincerety, to ensure that these two beautiful children, grow up well adjusted, happy, and healthy.

I am humbled at God's Grace, towards me, my children and their two fathers. He takes a situation, of a broken family, and puts it back together, so delicately. These two men leave me speechless. The X, whom I was never able to put a healthy relationship together with, but who loves his children with everything in him. My husband, (and best friend) who loves me so much, that he puts aside all male ego emotions, to work not just with me, but with my X, to ensure that these kids get all, that all of us have to give.

I couldn't ask for a better husband. I couldn't ask for a better X husband. They love these children more then enough, to put aside their feelings about each other's position in my life, to make this a family. I observe our family, with awe, and with more peace, then I ever imagined I could, when going thru a divorce, that split these kids' world in half. The night ended much more peacefully then it began. And not by the help of a village, but in our case, the help of two dads.


  • What a wonderful post! I hope things continue to work out for your family. Reading this gives me hope for the future of my little family, too. Thank you so much for sharing.

    By Blogger sede, at 8:14 AM  

  • Well, it sounds to me like you DID get an answer to that prayer. What a nice story, and one who's chaos I can definitely relate to, tho in a different-family way.
    And yes, I made up the GS cookie verse :)

    By Anonymous mediakath, at 10:04 AM  

  • Phew what an evening you had!! Makes me feel frazzled just reading it all LOL But sure is nice that it all worked out so well for Tayler, she will look back and appreciate it later in life.

    By Blogger Sis, at 2:01 PM  

  • There is no such thing as broken families.

    By Blogger Jay, at 8:13 PM  

  • Sede,
    Thank you for your comments, and well wishes, sede. And there is more then hope. I will lift a prayer up for your family. I know I didn't put a whole lot about going thru my divorce, or what myself and my children and my X went thru during it. It was hard, and painful for everyone concerned. But I clung to faith, stood by my convictions, and lifted it all up to God. He can bring forth good, from what may seem like an impossible situation at the time. Hang in there.

    By Blogger 3rd Times a Charm, at 9:40 PM  

  • Mediakath!
    I enjoyed your poem, especially when I look around the livingroom at the cases of Girl Scout cookies, yet to be sold. (The longer they sit there, the more I end up buying myself.) And I know what you mean about relating to family chaos...or maybe being a mother? I know I relate to your writings, as well as enjoy them too!

    By Blogger 3rd Times a Charm, at 9:43 PM  

  • Sis,
    I think Tayler will look back on it someday, and appreciate her family for it. It might not be until she has kids, but I'm kewl with that:-)
    Thanks for commenting. And my list of interview questions from you is one of my top 5 priorities this week-end! Thanks for letting me play:-)

    By Blogger 3rd Times a Charm, at 9:46 PM  

  • Jay,
    I welcome you to elaborate on your blanket statement. As I elaborated in my post, on my own personal feelings. Without you elaborating, I can only assume, your statement is either based out of your own emotional history, or some reaction to political correctness regarding the term "broken family". So if I am unclear about your statement, I am sure other readers would be as well. I encourage, and invite you to (respectfully) elaborate.

    And my sincerest apologies, for not making myself more clear, as to my meaning. Personally, I felt this term, "broken family" defined the pain, and turmoil, my family went thru in the course of a divorce. At least that is how I used this term, in reference to my family, and mine alone. Singularly, not in the plural. With no political, moral, or ethical implications behind it whatsoever.

    This weblog serves one purpose. As my personal diary, with absolutely no political, moral, ethical, or religous motivations, or judgements. My life, my analytical musings, and my thoughts. I have never, nor will I, stand in judgement, on how anyone lives, or chooses to write about their lives here in the blogosphere.

    I do believe you missed the whole point of my post, based on one term. I felt my complete post, as whole, thoroughly helped to define my use of this term.

    Thanks for commenting, and please feel free to finish your thought.

    By Blogger 3rd Times a Charm, at 10:21 PM  

  • It made me smile to read that your current and ex work together to make sure your children are happy. Sadly, it's a rare thing to hear about people being able to put aside other emotions for the sake of the children.

    By Blogger Crazy Girl City, at 5:24 PM  

  • Crazy Girl,
    Oh how right you are! And that IS extremely sad! I prayed a lot about that in the course of my divorce. And acknowledged in some ways I was being selfish going thru the divorce to begin with. And lifted ALL up to God, and begged him to "fix us" in the midst of it all. I give much credit to the "two dads" who were both able to overcome emotions. And I always lift up a silent prayer, thanking God for enabling both men to do so! (This is just how it worked out for my family) And I know there are a lot out there who are able to do this as well, and I commend them for putting their children above their own emotions to do so. (See Jaded Sunburn, thier family also works with two dads) Thank you for taking the time to comment, and I will be checking your site out as well. Most of the time, I find my daily reads, mainly out of those who come here, and comment. So I appreciate you taking the time to.

    PS. Jaded sunburns url is : she also has a great site! And I just noticed you already are bookmarked in my daily reads Crazy girl! So I'll be lloking forward to reading more of your posts as well.

    By Blogger 3rd Times a Charm, at 12:40 PM  

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